Happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of mine 31 May 2007
Posted by Sina in Daily.2 comments
May 24/1999
Dear Diary,
It’s been sooo long. Donald and I are back together.. I know what you’re thinking, "not again", right? But don’t judge me Diary, it’s not like that this time. Donald told me how much he loves me, and that he won’t get mad and jealous at me for little immature things anymore. And I love Donald, I know this time it’s going to last.
Avril
May 25/1999
Dear Diary,
So I broke up with Donald today. And this is the last time. We’re done. For good. I’m not gonna put up with his immature bullshit anymore. We’re done. That’s it. For good. And I met this new guy at the mall. He’s soooooo cute. Mary and I were in Claire’s, and this guy walked by and whistled at me! So I was like "Can I help you?". And he was like "I hope so. I think you’re hot." So I gave him my number. His name is Hishma. And he’s sooo cute. I hope he calls me!
Avril
May 31/1999
Dear Diary,
Hishma is a complete ass. He only liked me for my big boobs. Every time we were together, all he wanted to do was makeout. And I was like "Is that all you want to do, makeout?" And he was like "Yeah, and maybe more." So whatever, I told him he could hit the road. He’s such a pig! And whatever, Peter walked me home yesterday and told me he likes me. So maybe I’ll go out with Peter, even though he’s not that hot. Oh my god, I forgot to tell you! Donald saw me and Hishma at the mall, and he was sooo mad! He wanted to fight Hishma because he was like "that’s my girl, get your hands off her." I had to yell at him to calm down, before me and Hishma just left. It was great.
Avril
I can't stop questioning 27 May 2007
Posted by Sina in Prayers.add a comment
Sina: I need a favour
God: What’s that
Sina: Oh nevermind, it’s too much a bother
God: No tell me
Sina: Okay, well. I sorta need a second chance.
God: I don’t think I can do that, you know the rules.
Sina: Yah I know. I would just really appreciate this, just this one time.
God: I can’t. I’m sorry.
Sina: Yah I know, it’s okay.
You know it 26 May 2007
Posted by Sina in Daily.add a comment
Tina Fey and I may or may not be soulmates.
Talking to yourself, and nobody's home 26 May 2007
Posted by Sina in Daily.add a comment
So I’m writing a real post. Wow a real post? Yes, a real post, with updates and everything. What for? I dunno, I’ve been writing stupid skits for the past year, I thought I’d change things up. But you’re doing it now. Yes, but talking to your conscience doesn’t count as a stupid skit. I’m sure it does actually. Shut up. Is it only possible for you to write through conversation? It would seem so, wouldn’t it….hmmm.
Okay so let’s get to business. Yes? We have to update. Okay, let’s go. Well we started summer school. Yeah, it sucks. Actually, I like it. Like it? I hate it. It’s not bad. I love how beautiful the campus is in the summer. We could enjoy that without summer school, you know. Yes, but think of all the girls in the short skirts. That’s true. Still, I don’t like to think in the summer, it hurts. Okay fine, let’s agree that summer school is okay so far. Agreed. Okay so what else? Well Mom’s going to Italy for two weeks. What does that have to do with us? I dunno, I like Mom. She gets on my nerves sometimes. Nah you’re crazy. Oooh, we saw fireworks on Monday with Cuqui, Nikki, and Laslow. Yah that was fun. I think Cuqui has the hots for us. She does not. No seriously, think about it. Okay can we focus here? We’re updating. My bad.
What about our big top secret plan? Dude, that’s confidential. You mean the one to destroy– YES! Shut up! Oh sorry. Idiot. Alright I think we’re done here. Okay, let’s go get drunk. Done.
Remember Stampy?? 22 May 2007
Posted by Sina in Daily.add a comment
Don’t worry, Stampy. I won’t let Homer sell you to that ivory dealer.
You and I are going to run away together. We’ll keep to the back roads
and make our way south. Then, if I know my geography, it’s just twelve
miles to Africa.
- Bart Simpson
Cool wind in my hair 18 May 2007
Posted by Sina in Prayers.add a comment
Sina: Hey
God: Yo
Sina: What’s up?
God: Nada much. How’re you?
Sina: I’m fine. I keep getting heat from all these people saying I use your name in vain. Does it bother you?
God: Nah man it’s all good. I don’t care.
Sina: That’s what I keep telling them. So we’re cool right?
God: Fo shizzle
I'm having trouble saying what I mean 17 May 2007
Posted by Sina in Daily.add a comment
Sina: Hola
Cass: So you started summer school today?
Sina: Yup. Taking my first finance course ever.
Cass: How do you like it?
Sina: It’s weird.
Cass: Why?
Sina: I dunno…
[pause]
Sina:
It’s like…… In economics, there’s a reason we learn and research economics. There’s a higher good in it because we’re always concerned with improvement and equality [improving things] so that everyone can enjoy having food, clothing, shelter, etc. That’s the higher good in it, so that people can live having a better quality of life.
In math, there’s a higher truth in it. It’s ancient, it has an element purity in it. It contains the fundamentals of knowledge, a higher truth.
But in finance, there’s no higher good, no higher truth. There’s nothing. All you’re doing is learning how to make money. Not for the better of anyone, or anything, only for yourself. There’s no joy in it. It’s empty. Void. And everyone knows it. Nobody even tries to rationalize it, no explanation is required. Sigh. I dunno….
[pause]
Cass: You had me at ‘hello’.
Sina: You mean ‘hola’.
Cass: Yeah. You had me.
I'm getting older too 16 May 2007
Posted by Sina in Daily.add a comment
SINA: Maury I’m 150% sure that I’m not the father of Shannon’s daughter. That skank slept around with all my friends and everyone in the neighbourhood, the mailman could be her babydaddy. Shannon’s just trying to get back at me because I slept with her best friend.
[Audience Booooooooos]
MAURY: Well we’ll soon find out.
[Maury opens envelope]
MAURY: In the case of 2 year old Shaniqua, Sina you ARE NOT the father.
[Shannon runs off crying and screaming]
SINA: What what!! I told you. I told you!! WEST SIIIIDDEEE
For all you've given me 14 May 2007
Posted by Sina in Daily.add a comment
Sina: You know in the end I win. That’s how the story goes.
Cass: If you go by your version. My version has a different ending.
Sina: There are no versions. There’s one true story.
Cass: Well we’ll see who’s right.
Sina: This is all so sad.
Clarifications on things you thought you knew II 9 May 2007
Posted by Sina in You Thought You Knew.add a comment
2) Man has landed on the moon.
Man has landed on the moon, but not in 1969.
In 1854, Thomas Edison developed a “space chronovisor”, a machine that allowed a single passenger to travel to and from Kamerlingh Onnes, a crater on the Moon. The device was only used once, and not by Edison himself. Instead, Edison used his nephew Frank as a test pilot. Frank Edison journeyed to Kamerlingh Onnes on May 21 1854 and returned 2 weeks later. To Thomas Edison’s astonishment, his nephew returned without any space horns.
Upon discovery of the the device, British authorities seized the device and destroyed all blue-prints. The chronovisor is held in a top secret location to this day. British authorities were afraid that if the Nazi’s got hold of such a device, the impending war decades later would shift in their favour.
